My Prayer For This Pregnancy

I’ve always been hesitant to write about birth on the blog.  Not only is it such an emotionally charged topic for me, but it is also a hot-button topic for everyone.  Everybody has their opinions, anecdotes, experiences and articles backing up their opinions.  Frankly, I don’t want to participate in such discussions and I avoid them like the plague.

However, this topic weighs very heavily on my mind.  I went a week overdue with Sara so I was induced and 36 hours later (including 4 hours of pushing) she was born via c-section.  In the past two years I’ve run the gamut of emotions about everything.  I’ve been traumatized by how it all went down, I’ve been frustrated and angry with natural birth advocates who make me feel bad about what happened and the choices that my doctor and I made (they make me!! Ok, not quite.), and I’ve been grateful for modern medicine and the miracle of my daughter’s healthy and safe birth despite everything that happened.  I get chills when I think of women before the days hospitals and c-sections (or just women in other parts of the world who don’t have the luxury of a choice in the matter) who pushed and pushed and pushed like I did without the happy outcome.  It was traumatizing, I wish it had gone differently, but overall I am so grateful for how it turned out.

Like I said: emotions!  My Mom and sisters and close friends have all very patiently listened to me hash it out ad nauseum for the past two years.  And now, I’m gearing up for another birth.  I’m with my same doctor because she’s marvelous and I love her.  We’ve discussed my options of VBAC or repeat c-sections and what it all comes down to is basically out of my control.  If I go into labor, great!  If I don’t, then we do another c-section.  We won’t do another induction and I’m glad about that.  It was awful! It’s been hard to shut out all of the buzz about birth options and what’s better and worse, but I’ve finally come to the place where I know and accept that the decision lies with me and what I’m comfortable with.

But, I still have anxieties.  I like to think they’re normal pregnant woman anxieties.  We’re all worried about the delivery and the safety and health of our babies.  That’s all normal.  I take my anxieties to Our Lord in prayer but I struggle.  Do I ask God for a VBAC?  Do I beg Him to allow me to go into labor naturally? Do I pray for a breech baby so the decision of whether to do a c-section is made for me (I kid… kind of…)? I want these things to happen, but I feel weird asking for them specifically.  God knows what I desire, but He also knows what’s best in our situation and I should trust in Him, right? Finally, it came to me today, the prayer that I’ve been wanting to say but couldn’t quite put my finger on it:

Dear Lord, I pray for a safe and peaceful delivery.

Simple, short and sweet, I can repeat it like a litany throughout this pregnancy. I can recite this prayer to myself when I feel anxious about having a repeat c-section and it’s implications for future children and deliveries.  I can recite it when I feel pressure or judgement (real and perceived) to get a doula or midwife or pursue a VBAC. Dear Lord, I pray for a safe and peaceful delivery.

This is all that really matters, it’s all that’s ever mattered.  This is the prayer of every expectant mother no matter what her circumstances.  I don’t know what’s going to happen.  I never have and I never will, but I need to put my trust in Him and just let the anxiety go.

If you remember and care to, will you join me in this prayer?  More than advice or anecdotes or articles, this is what I really need.

Mary with Jesus and Angel by Margaret Tarrant

{Meanwhile, this picture is just so serene and peaceful, I had to share!}

14 thoughts on “My Prayer For This Pregnancy

  1. I used to cringe hearing birth stories. Because I had two that left me happily holding a baby but feeling guilty and i adequate. This last time I read Mindful Birthing. I recommend highly. It leans a little towards unmedicated birth, but I feel like it gave me the presence to go easy on myself and be present in the moment. And I think it can be applied to c section and coming to peace with all the decisions made during the birthing process. I KNOW it helped me heaps.

  2. Beautiful post dear friend. Thank you for sharing that prayer. And as a side note I'm super excited you're posting everyday this week because I stalk your blog like you're not my real life friend 😉

  3. Ultimately, this is your experience, and no one else's… so you (and doctors and Dave) make the best decisions for you and don't worry about a VBAC or section or whatever the rest of us think. Praying for safe and healthy rest of pregnancy, delivery, and health for you and baby!

  4. "Have no anxiety, but in everything by prayer let your petitions be made known to God." I'm singing that in my head to the tune the monks at St. A's used to chant it, which makes it even better! I really like your prayer for this pregnancy; it's pretty much what I always pray for my friends and family who are expecting, and will for you as well, of course. And please remember that those of us who had our babies differently from you did not have them that way AT you. He hee, I just love that image.

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