Full Panel Pregnancy Talk

 I’m a full panel kinda girl.  I require the all-torso-encompassing support of the full panel, as I don’t grow a belly first, so much as I grow a second butt and insane handles of the not so lovely variety.  I’m beginning to think that my babies start growing in my tush and then migrate via my impressive muffin top to the belly and they settle and continue growing there around week 20.  It’s the only thing that explains how and why my body packs it on in such a way.  

Another more poetic way to think of it is that my body is like one of the great gothic cathedrals of Europe.  They have flying buttresses which help support the massiveness and beauty of the cathedrals by arching out and down, thus redistributing the weight.  

See?  That’s exactly what my rear end and love handles are doing.  They’re a support structure for the beauty and the majesty and the enormity of my growing baby and belly.  They’re just not as attractive.

Who am I fooling?  They’re not supporting the belly, they’re just biding their time until they can fuel my milk ducts.  Poetic thought indeed.

Back to panels.  I recently ordered a pair of full panel maternity skinny jeans. Biggest oxymoron of the century!



10 thoughts on “Full Panel Pregnancy Talk

  1. I have two pairs of maternity skinny jeans this pregnancy too. I ordered many that I had to return because they were so tight, until I finally discovered that if I order them 2 sizes bigger than what I used to wear, they fit!

    And, just my opinion here, but I have a friend who's had 4 girls and swears she gets pregnant in her butt too. So maybe this one is a girl????

  2. Ellen, you are hilarious. And yay for new jeans! Pregnancy does not exclude you from being stylish. 🙂 I love the pair of skinnies I had when pregnant with Sophie. Oh, and I'm pretty confident that I had some extra junk in my trunk thanks to both pregnancies. Maybe there's something to Colleen's theory??

  3. This made me laugh out loud 🙂 My favorite pair of pants right now is a full-panel pair of black pants from J.C. Penney that my mom found, although I admit I haven't been a fan of most of the full panel jeans. H&M does have some nice full-panel skinnies (that run super small) I bought a pair in two sizes up (for $10!) that I'm saving for the third trimester…

    • I find the full panels to be much more comfortable, minus the tugging on the top. It's really freeing to not have to worry about pregnant plumbers crack. I really want to check out H&M's stuff! I was actually there on Monday but I couldn't get a good look, much less try anything on, because I had the kiddo in tow. Must go back by myself!

  4. Too funny! Simcha Fisher wrote a post, years ago, that mentioned maternity jeans. Something about how the options are below-the-belly, over-the-belly, and all-the-way-up-to-your-bra. There were all sorts of funny comments, including one by a woman who said she always wears up-to-the-bra maternity jeans during pregnancy b/c once she had her (maternity) pants fall down to her ankles as she was walking down the street! . . . I never really got flying buttresses 😉 but during pregnancy my legs retain water like you would not believe. I couldn't get most jeans past my knees, and I didn't even _try_ any skinny jeans.

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